Just so you don't think the world suddenly endowed me with a team of servants to take care of the daily minutiae, I'm back with an update, but first, a tip about dealing with hard water.

Foist of all, as the Stooges might say, what is hard water? It feels pretty squishy coming out of the tap, right? Sure, sure. Hard water is everyday tap water that has a high amount of minerals - yes, rocks and stuff - dissolved in it. This is because the water comes from a well on your property that's drilled waaaay down where there is a chamber or cistern in the rock with water in it or a stream running deep below the surface of your lawn, between the bedrock. All that friction over millions of years is bound to pick up molecule-sized bits of mineral. When that comes out of your tap, it will feel decidedly unslippery, more so if there's more dissolved mineral in it.

Hey, I like Pellegrino, you might say, and if it's pouring out of my tap, so much the better. The problem is, when the water dries on a surface, it leaves behind the dissolved rock, a favorite target of the Scrubbing Bubbles people, and it also reduces the effectiveness of soaps. So, if you manage to travel away from home to a place with soft water, you'll notice that it no longer takes a half-cup of Head and Shoulders to get lathered up. Hard water also affects how well your clothes wash, whether they start to turn a bit grey over time and how well your dishes wash without spotting. And now that automatic dishwasher liquids are doing away with phosphates in order to do good by the environment, that spotting may be even worse for you hard water folks.

So, what's the solution? First of all, whether you rent or own a house, it's a good idea to find out what you're drinking. There are various water testing products on the market that range in price from $10 to $25 and Sears will test for the hardness of your water alone for free, at least in my neighborhood. If you have a well, you'll want to know whether Jimmy has fallen down it and what nasty stuff may be present. Really - this is important.

Once you've determined that you have hard water, you can a) install a water softener or repair the one you already have, b) say 'whatever' and chalk it up to nature being a pain (chalk - get it - it's a mineral . . . a ha ha ha) or c) deal with some of the most common things we do with water with some simple and inexpensive solutions.

Vinegar is a great way to reduce the alkalinity of you water and increase the effectiveness of anionic surfactants. In other words, good ol' white vinegar, used sparingly, will help reduce the stiffness of your clothes and reduce spotting on your dishes. A splash or two in the dishwasher (before starting a cycle) helps tremendously in most cases. There are also commercial solutions, the best of which, in my opinion, is also the cheapest, or pretty darn cheap, anyway, and that's Lemme Shine (lemmeshine.com) which can be added to dishwasher and is consistently amazing. I last saw it at Target for about $4 for the standard size.

There are filtered shower heads, but they won't fix hard water. If your hair is dull or you think that the water hardness is affecting the quality of your tousle, get a gallon jug of distilled water (water that's been evaporated and recondensed without any minerals at all) at the drug- or chain store and see if your hair feels better after a few washes.

Products with EDTA, which is an amino acid compound that will attach to heavy metals, with a final distilled water rinse, or citric acid rinses (1/4 tsp. in 1 cup distilled water) to chelate minerals on your hair. Vinegar might work too - 1 tablespoon in 1 cup distilled water.

Hard water in the desert or where rainfall is very low tends to be alkaline also. Acidic rinses might be helpful if that applies to you.

Busy Looking Out Of The Window?

Um, on one hand, I'm so busy that I don't know whether I've come or gone. On the other hand, I often find myself peering into space, trying to decide the minutiae of the moment.

Today, I:
- woke at 7
- made a Keurig coffee - yum!
- toasted a seventh-month-old Lender's frozen bagel - yum, again.
- used the commode
- scraped me whiskers
- thought again about an entertainment plan, with my child in mind, for tonight
- visited eBay and bought a battery and car charger for my "new" used phone. I'm such a cheapskate, but then, I have more money than you, so . . .
- made another coffee
- smoked (!) and regretted it not only because it's f-ing cold outside, but because I shoulda nota dun it. Do over!
- thought about how late it was getting
- scratched my ear
- assembled my daughter's gift (my old pro camera, a Fuji S2.) New memory card, strap, batteries (expensive ones at two for ten bucks). Let's see if she's a photographer.
- checked e-mail. No surprises, just junk, mailing lists, blah blah, blah
- peed
- wrote this

Now I have to:
- get yams, cookie dough, flour, other sh*t
- start cooking the ham
- run over to Marshall's to see about additional "budget" gifts for people I simply missed.
- cook the yams
- wrap
- put pictures up to be printed

I dunno, a lot of stuff, okay? I'm going now. Let's see what gets done.

Still Cleaning, But At Least It Matters

I'm still doing a lot of housework, but at least now it makes a difference and it feels like it matters.

Yesterday:
- Stopped at Pathmark, bought three bananas, two tomatoes, an Iceberg lettuce, two cans of Progresso soup, which was on sale for HALF PRICE at $1.33, a loaf of pseudo-pumpernickel and a Vidalia onion.
- Stopped to get some Leinenkugel's Berry (Loganberrie) beer and waited for a bit behind a woman who was setting up a kegger for $205, to pick up on Friday. The store overcharges for premium beer - $9.99 for six. I don't think I'll go back there.
- Came home, made the soup.
- Drank some of one beer.
- Put away the stuff that wasn't being used for dinner.
- Put away the last load of dishes.
- Petted the bird and, no, this isn't a euphemism for anything.
- Ate dinner.
- Put the dishes in the sink.
- Made up my daughter's room which had towels all over the place, a razor blade laying on the desky-thing, deoderant on the floor, clothes crumpled, including new clothes and clothes tags all over the place. Time for a chit-chat, I think.
- Took care of some private business.
- Transferred pics from my camera to my laptop for editing and upload. That done, I went to sleep. It was 11 or so.
Today:
- Had coffee.
- Shaved, brushed my remaining teeth, took care of private business again. Geez.
- Organized the bedroom and put up a curtain - no more free shows for the neighbors.
- Piled all the clothes for washing into the washing basket, but stopped short of running a load.
- Had more coffee. Contemplated making a bagel with cream cheese and realized that I didn't have time.
- Organized the bathroom upstairs and down.
- Replaced the toilet paper.
- Cleaned off the papers that were on the counter in the kitchen.
- Loaded the dishwasher.
- Put some pots in the oven.
- Collected and pocketed miscellaneous change from all around the house.
- Contemplated putting shoes away, but didn't.
- Put up the missing closet door in the master BR.
- Gather my stuff - wallet, lighter, etc., and jammed it all in my bag.
- Took a shower.
- Got dressed (thank you, Mr. Klein!)
- Rushed to the car, shutting off every light on the way and checking the heat.
- I had a flat, soo . . . paged my boss and put air in the tire with my electric pump.
- Squeeged the windows to the car.
- Drove the heck away.

I sat in traffic for TWO HOURS. Oh, well. The day's not over.

Today's Not Gay

Okay. I did more "housework" than I should have, but since it mostly had to do with my own stuff since the divorce, I guess it's kinda okay.

1. Checked my stock losses.
2. Checked my e-mail.
3. Took a whizz.
4. Recognized that I was already tired and it was only 9 AM.
5. Got some coffee.
6. Gathered up my paltry amount of laundry and put it to run. I first had to remove D's over-stuffed wet laundry and put that in the dryer. Not all of it would fit in the dryer so I set that aside so that my stuff could dry after washing first.
7. Put together more stuff from the kitchen and bathroom to pack and move.
8. Had more coffee.
9. Packed some stuf.
10. Shaved and showered.
11. Tried to work out how to return my EZ Pass and reopen my account except the CSR was just too darn stupid. They clearly get rated on how quickly they can dispose of calls. Stoopid practice.
12. Wrote a letter to include with my EZ Pass and a check.
13. Made some eggs.
14. Put my stuff together and left and forgot my food. Damn.
15. Opened up the garage in order to get the piece of equipment I needed to possibly ship out.
16. Stopped at the Post Office, got my mail and Priority Mailed my EZ Pass, letter and check. I doubt that will go well.
17. Went to work.
18. Ate a lot of pizza (it was free) at the grand opening of the company cafeteria.
19. Worked.
20. Texted my girlfriend.
21. Worked until 1:05.
22. Drove "home" and got back at 2:05. It rained somewhat.
23. Got into the house and ate a wheat cracker packet with real cheese.
24. Wrote this.

Big fun, huh?

Even When I'm Down, I'm Up

So . . . night before last I e-mailed my brother to let him know I could meet him at his job at around noon, only, I apparently didn't press "send." So, I reflexively sent it at about 10:30, which he didn't reply to, so I e-mailed again, in a more conciliatory tone, that I was having car problems and that I could meet him the next day, Friday, which is tomorrow. He didn't reply to that, either.

He's playing the "f*ck you" game. Smile while you twist the knife, but you're smiling because you actually do enjoy it. Bitch. And all because I called him on his bullsh*t e-mail from the previous-previous day that gave him the excuse to pretend to be ticked off. Bitch. Yes, I know I wrote that twice.

He said something like "given that I understand the sensitive situation you're in regarding the negotiations with (your lovely wife), I have not shared the details of our business together." Yeah, okay. And She Who Must Be Obeyed has every detail and date even before I do, yet, he's not uttered a word. I said that she must be prescient, but that I don't really care anymore. And I don't. He wasted nearly a year dragging his feet with the brokers when it could have been wrapped up in a week. Mom would be pissed, but she's not here, so, f*ck her, too, I guess. Then f*ck you, J.

Yes, no sh*t, I'm angry. I HAVE A GOOD REASON, I think.

So, I'm finding that this bunch of assholes are burning through my time. And yet, I'm the gift that keeps on giving. Well, no, I think not. Except that when I'm gone, at least S may notice the difference . . .

Here's what I did today:
- Woke at 8:30 after going to sleep at 2:30 AM
- Heated up some old coffee - I see that SWMBO decided that they gravy train had really passed and decided to lazily glom a can of QuickChek's finest brew. A miracle.
- Fed the kitties the last of the cat food. I guess the kid doesn't like them too much and SWMBO had told me a storyof how she once "accidentally" killed her cat. Yeah, okay.
- Went down to get my laundry out of the dryer. It was crumpled up in a ball on the pool table. Whatever Her Highness had washed last was still in the washer, moldy. I dried it, mold and all and started a load of my own. I used the clothes soap I bought last week and hid in my room as every time I bought clothes soap, D would use it up within two days. I guess she poured it down the drain so that I couldn't wash S's clothes. I suspect this as this is what happened to all of the cleaning supplies I've bought over the last year. And just because I don't see her do the crazy things she does, doesn't mean I'm not right on the mark, because I am.
- Collected other laundry and brought it upstairs or put it away in the linen closet.
- Collected 36 plastic bottles and bagged them.
- Assessed the trash sitch.
- Made my bed.
- Turned off S's air conditioner, opened a window and put the phone to charge.
- Rebooted my new phone and looked at solutions to my problem with a Javascript exception.
- Put my clothes in the dryer.
- Took a shower.
- Washed the kitchen, dining room and upstairs bathroom floors.
- Did 100 sit-ups. Okay - 70. Lifted a few times.
- Got dressed. Packed a bag, just in case my car broke down.
- Drove to work. Picked up the mail on the way. The E&S jerks sent me a debit notice, a week after the debit went through. Genius. The PSA was in there too, from my illustrious attorney.
- Worked. Gave R an entire dissertation on management. What am I doing there?
- Talked to my kid who was engrossed in homework. I called the home phone during the morning and D called me back. She called me back a little later and was rude, crazy and impossible.
- Went home, fearing the rain and the car, but it actually drove a little better, though going up hils at 30 MPH is not too much fun.
- Stopped at Pathmark to get catfood and 1 roll of toilet paper. $3.68. I need to present that to the judge for reimbursement. On my way in, I encountered a Sherrif who said, loudly, "What's goin' on?" I said, "Not too much, yet." He said, louder still, "Huh?" in a sort of better-talk-louder-boy tone that I didn't like at all. I repeated myself, more loud-like. He chuckled and said, "Awright." He was then distracted by some rowdy teens in the next parking lot over and decided to eyeball that "situation." They weren't taking debit cards at the Patmark but the lady said,"We'll put it through as a credit." Then, I wondered, what the heck is the difference?
- Drove home.
- Fed the now-ravenous cats.
- Gave them water.
- Surveyed the mess in the kitchen and dining room I had cleaned up a scant twelve hours earlier and just muttered "no" to myself and turned away. I picked off a piece of Saran wrap that was stuck to my shoe and put it in the garbage can.
- Came up to my Lair, put my stuff down, typed this for 40 minutes and three bullets ago, realized I left my cigarettes in the car.
- Put on my coat, went downstairs, turned on the porch light, went to the car in the rain, got my cigarettes, came back here.
- Finished writing this.

Now, I'm done. I guess.

ANother Typical Ass-Breaking Day

Good God. It never stops.

Woke up early and began fighting with my crazy ex at 8:30 after having come in at 3 AM from work. She is trying to break me but can't as a tactic perceived is no tactic at all. Still, it sucks.

- Wrote five e-mails to her.
- Prepped a check for the mortgage. Made a letter to her lawyer including envelope to mail at 12:30 if she didn't give me proof of payment. Proof came later that she lied about making the payment, that someone else did - we'll find out who on September 19th.
- Shampooed the rug in the LR
- Made coffee
- Cleaned up the kitchen
- Washed the floor
- Folded and did three loads of laundry and folded those, too.
- Changed the cat litter
- Paid my bills
- Made copies for the lawyer and the payment book.
- Wrote a new document for her to sign indicating what the money was for and that she was responsible for it and that she would give me proof on Wednesday that it was paid, of the agreement and the amount.
- Got her to sign it.
- Shampooed part of the rug in my basement.
- Checked my credit scores - still one point short.
- Looked at some documents
- Hung with S. Decided to cook.
- Fielded a dozen calls from ex regarding a simple oil change that was supposed to be done five weeks ago that itself had been the subject of 16 e-mails.
- Went shopping,
- Made rattaouille
- Ate it.
- Clean the kitchen, loaded the dishwasher and ran that.
- Replaced light bulbs
- Fed the cats

The Long Haul

After two years of rage, insanity, drunkeness, anti-depressants, sickeness and death, just liek that, it's over. My marriage, that is. Today is the day the final draft of my settlement agreement was mastered and executed by both parties, as the lawyers like to say, but if we were having parties, I missed the keg.

The lawyers must have been laughing over their respective beers when they met after work at the Barrister, a local pub down the road from the courthouse. "My client's definitely crazy. And, they're arguing about a total divorce estate of under $300K - do you believe that?" her lawyer would say. My lawyer would have responded, "Listen, all I know is that I'm making my house payments on time and should I complain if they want to try to kill each other? It's all . . ." "Billable time!" finishes her lawyer. They chortle and order another round.

If I did this, if I did that. If, if, if. Well, I didn't The outcome would have been the same in terms of dollars and cents. I would still feel dirty and used and alone. Look at McGreevy - the judge didn't believe either of them and denied wifey alimony and awarded the typical child support based on New Jersey's juducal guidelines for that. Case closed.

In my universe, it's a matter of what I can do to go forward from here. How long before I have a house, fix my car, sleep without having to lock my bedroom door? So, I gave away my interest in the house in exchange for no alimony and the assumption of about half the debt, but I keep the car and the car payments, and the deal's off if the derogatory credit issues don't start disappearing within about two weeks, since they're not mine. When all is said and done, because I don't have to spend another $15K in legal fees, I actually come out ahead a little bit, better and sooner than if I went to court.

And that's the point. The disengagement, I mean. It's important to separate the evil grown-ups, give them a starting point and move on to the next case, as far as the courts are concerned. And that's a pretty good way of looking at it. Be fair, set aside all emotion, and git'r'done. It's over, baby, so, move it along. No purpose is served otherwise. Yes, you're right in your righteous indignation but, so what?

So here's my advice: agree to take care of your kids and their future. Make sure that both people have an equal shot at recasting their lives. No, a house isn't required to raise a family, sorry ladies. If Mr. Man needs to live in an apartment, maybe you do, too. Pay off those debts. Get your ducks in a row and dial all your sh*t back to when he was that cute guy you met at your cousin's wedding and she was that babe you couldn't wait to nail when she could still pull off the midriff tee. Respect yourself by NOT giving in to the temptation to fight back, instead, press forward for a resolution. And, here's the key: if you think any legal document is going to "protect" you, let me tell you that after dealing with contract law for fifteen years, unless both parties benefit and enthusiastically support the terms, forget it. You MUST give 60% and so must the other side - get it? Otherwise, forget it. There are all kinds of ways to be the Ultimate Byotch if you put your mind to it, and that's true for men and women alike. Missed child support, even if it gets paid eventually, may mean you can't buy heating oil that month. Bankruptcy for one party, just to "get back" at you may mean you're suddenly the owner of a car loan - though the car got repo'ed!! And, notice, I say "may" since each court appearance will cost you a minimum of $1500 (and I write my own pleadings and motions though I still have to have counsel of record speak for me in court) and then, the Judge can decided in your favour, but, and you're not gonna like this, probably not. It will probably be a compromise, with time to cure the default, another court appearnace and more legal fees.

This is all designed to keep the parties out of the courts, wasting taxpayer dollars, which ain't popular with legislators, especially around election time, legislators who, for the most part, are lawyers themselves. Aha! No one cares about your problems, my friends and the justice system does not, I repeat, does not provide justice. From my lawsuit experience, both on the plaintiff and defendant sides in NY, the real purpose of going to court is to execute a suit-and-time game of "chicken." Any lawyer will tell you that anyone can sue anyone else for anything at any time and that 95% of all civil matters are ajudicated via settlement. So . . . leave the lawyers out of the loop, work out your sh*t, get counselling to deal with the fact that your ex, and you, too, probably, are assholes, and move on.

Oh, look, it's not easy. I understand the pain, humiliation, the sense at defeat at compromise BUT the upside is huge. First, you become your own man (or woman) again and will have to grow the f*ck up since there's no one else to blame other than yourself for screwing up. But, there's no one else to take the credit when you win. You can be the architect of a better existance for yourself and your kids, one in which both parents will be "top o' the heap." Listen here - kids grow up and before you know it, as a parent, you will be largely irrelevant. That's how it's supposed to be. Whatever you save on legal fees can be invested for them so that they can pay for college and have a better life or a set of really good tools, if they're not going the college route, to start in their own technical or craft field, or whatever life brings. Further, getting every ounce of blood out of the spouse may be satisfying, but you will generate a LIFETIME of enmity and hatred. Don't believe me? Look back at some of my posts.

Finally, don't fall into the same patterns as before. Be courteous, as you would to a boss or coworker. Your ex is not your fellow oarsman anymore and there's no tacit social contract other than what would exist between ordinary, unmarried people. That you have a history of hysteria doesn't count a whit.

So, my settlement means that I'm going to be busy constructing (not "reconstructing", as why on earth would I want to do the same things all over again if they didn't work too good the last time?) a life that's mine. When that's done and when I'm on an even keel, I'll go to the next step, at my pace. In the meantime, I'll keep my job, my car, buy a house and live my very own American Dream - sans the wife, Labrador and two point five kids.

I hope this settlement sticks, I really do, because, you know what? I'm pooped. Too pooped to pop.

So far this week . . .

In this macrocosmic life, one thing is for sure: the sh*t never stops coming.


Monday:
Got home early as I had an early shift, to make dinner with my kid.
-I didn't get to make dinner, of course, as suddenly, my ex was all about making dinner.
- Fixed my kid's CD ROM drive by first trying to replace it, then repairing it on the spot on the replacement was broken.
- Removed all the software she doesn't use
- Defragged the drive
- Vacuumed the inside of the case

Tuesday, starting at six AM:
Changed the cat litter
Dried and folded 261 pieces of laundry, none of which was mine
* I was punished, rather than thanked, for the above by vitriol and verbal abuse
- Washed the front of the washer and drier as the old black cat marks these for some reason
- Vacuumed the cobwebs in the basement
- Replaced a lightbulb in the upper bathroom that had been out for a week
- Put in new toilet paper
- Gathered the wet and rotting towels from both bathrooms and bleach-washed them
- Laundered my blanket
- Sorted socks, then gave up
- Cleaned the kitchen
- Cleaned the spill of coffee on the floor (my ex spilled and simply walked away.)
- Responded to one of her e-mails after her second attempt at intimidating me into an argument, which I did not do. One e-mail I sent, calm and cool, the other I kept as a record of what happened.
- Made a deal with my lawyer regarding payment. He says I can start counting the days - about 60 to go. Hard to believe.
- Washed up and went to work, stayed until 12, got home 1:30 AM

Wednesday
- Woke up at 6:30, wrote an e-mail, checked my accounts
- Went back to sleep at 9:30, slept until 12:30
- Made a mad scramble for the shower and got to work at 2:30, half-hour late after a big traffic jam on 15
- Stopped at QuikCheck, got cigs, coffee and nutrigrain bars. That's what I ate all day, 150 calories at a time for a total of six bars or 900 calories, plus the coffee at 200 calories.
- Worked hard all day.
- Returned a call from my ex at about six-thirty after she was told not only by me but a court order to not call me at work. She attempted to start an argument, I declined, she said many nasty things and hung up. I went back to work. I assume she had been drinking as this is her aspect when she's on the sauce.
- Left work at 11:15. Didn't stop for food as I had already decided to do a short shop at Pathmark and would reward myself with cereal vittles when I got home.
- Drove in the pouring, blinding rain. The lightning was impressive.
- Stopped at Pathmark, milk, eggs, waffles, cereal, turkey bacon, Snapple, grapes, all on sale. Dragged it out to the van in cold (67 degree) drizzle.
- Got home, watching my gas usage all the way. Unloaded my three bags of papers and personal items plus six bags of groceries that cost $27. I noticed the downstairs' apartment's AC was on, as it always is when my ex is there, regardless of the outside temp.
- Came in to find the kitchen and LR was a total mess. I took a piece of pita bread and some horseradish cheese and resolved to quietly clean it up. I took photos first. And, all the lights were on as was the TV.
- Cleaned the kitchen.
- Loaded the dishwasher
- Put away clean dishes and pots - all very quietly so as to not wake the ex. I guarantee you that you couldn't be this quiet.
- Cleaned out the toaster.
- Scrubbed the sink as it was literally filthy.
- Threw away, or prepped for recycling, old empty boxes of cereal and butter and so forth.
- Ate my cheese sandwich, which had been microwaved.
- Fed the cats and gave them water. This clearly hadn't been done despite calling my daughter on it twice and getting the promise that she was doing it right now.
- Cleaned the countertops.
- Put away some baking pans into the oven whereupon I noticed the oven was dirty.
- Cleaned the outside of the oven.
- Poured myself a drink of diet chocolate soda.
- Folded a kitchen towel and hung up the oven mitt.
- Turned off all of the lights.
- Ate a piece of the bananna pie that my daughter had made leaving that piece for me.
- Opened some windows.
- Went upstairs, turned on the TV for some company (Bears in river country) and wrote this entry.

That's it.

Late Return, No Surprise

D didn't bother to mention that she was at my brother and sister in law's where I know they have phone service, until a quarter till twelve. There was some concocted story about how her car broke down (side story goes here) and she had to take a cab from South Orange. She's such a persistent liar that I don't even know why I bother asking. The truth is that she was on a drunk and when she came home, she was drunk and she had a bottle with her, no less, as I retrieved the cork.

The dishes I left out for the last three days. On day two, I emptied the top rack of the dishwasher. Tonight, I picked up all the trash and empty milk and drink bottles, emptied the bottom rack of the d/w and loaded it. That took me fifteen minutes, after working for 11 hours straight. A coworker gave me some Polish dill soup to take home which I microwaved. It was great and I gave some to my favorite cat, Sp, but don't tell the other cats. I sat near S, who was curled up on the couch. She said she came home, had a snack and dozed off. So, though I could have left earlier by request, or a call could have been made at least to tell me there was a rpoblem, nothing was done and, yes, I did call, S didn't have access to the phone, I assume, since the door to D's space was locked. Her cell phone is disconnected. She could have been sick or in trouble and I wouldn't have known until too late. Yes, I will get her a cell phone. Yes, I will talk to her to make sure she understands that she has to get in touch with me. And I will shut my mouth and carefully document this so that she knows that I know and so that the court knows. This is neglect and is willfull on her part. There's simply no excuse, none at all.

Swollen Hands

Yesterday was a good if difficult day with S. She took a very, very long time to get ready. In the meantime, I bought her a bow (for archery, about $51 with shipping) on eBay. I also read up on archery and local clubs and called a local guy named Sig something, whose name S felt was "awesome," about archery lessons. I got the address for Stewart's, which S wasn't in the mood for, as it turned out, and I spent a good half-hour finding the location, though I didn't hold this against her, of course, just mentioning as it is one of the mundane tasks that took more time than it should have.

We went to Sizzler near the Mall. We talked about the divorce without actually using the "D" word. She said she basically wanted to know who she was living with and where and that she wanted to stay in the same house, ideally. She had also asked me in the car what the Parenting Seminar was about. It occurs to me now that she might have thought that I was having a baby or something else other than it having to do with her. I explained that the State was intent on protecting the kids of divorcing couples and this was meant to help make the adults a wee bit smarter about how they treated each other and their kids during the "process."

She had the salad bar and I had the Malibu chicken, which I really like, followed by way too many rounds at the salad bar along with two rounds of dessert which was a small square of pound cake, a little pineapple and then strawberry topping and frozen vanilla yoghurt.

We then walked it off at Borders, where S had a hard time deciding between four books: Go Ask Alice, Tweak, Breakfast of Champions and one other. We topped that off with a visit to Blockbuster, where we rented two movies - Juno, which she had seen and I had not, though we didn't actually see it, and Sweeney Todd, during which we both kind of fell asleep. She gave me a blankie to curl up under, she went to dreamland and I followed soon after.

The following day, today, Sunday, I bought S some arrows, talked with her a bit, brushed the dog with her, trimmed some payis the dog had generated near her ears, petted the cats, cleaned up the kitchen, emptying the dishwasher and such, made breakfast (before sitting with S) including picante home fries that were "eh" but interesting for future improvement, sanded and primed my bedroom and the living room ceiling, including patching some bad plastering from the past owner, put together the garbage, collected garbage from upstairs, shaved but didn't shower, talked on the phone a bit, checked e-mail, wrote e-mail, checked my e-Trade accoung, checked some stock picks, kicked myself for not following my own advice on Apple which is at 180 (arrrrrrgh!) and found two new picks, intended to buy but couldn't get in to my account, checked my credit (which rose 80 points due to a correction, just as the mortgage broker said it would) looked at mortgage options, called customer support at Transunion to allow access to that account.

I mowed the lawn and trimmed it. This was hard work and resulted in swollen hands, slightly. I also planted two plant, one of which was a pepper plant from last year that stayed alive (I just watered it, so go figure, and another flowering plant that was kept inside but is near death. Later, I watered all of the house plants.

Later, I did some test recordings of voice mail as I have no other way of getting it off my phone.

This Morning

I was determined to not do anything in the downstairs this morning. Every day, I pick up the mess from the day before. Clean dishes are put away, scraps of food are thrown out, trash is gathered and the animal effluvia is dealt with. But I simply can't leave a mess just laying there. So, this morning I:

- swept up coffee grounds
- collected trash from the kitchen surfaces
- cleaned up the coffee maker
- made fresh coffee
- picked up dog poo
- put all the clean dishes away
- loaded the dishwasher
- wiped down the counters
- threw away empty paper towel wrappers and picked up paper towels from the floor
- picked up cellophane cigarette wrapper
- sorted the recycling and trash in the garage and tied it up
- scrubbed a small pan

I didn't

- scrub the large pan in the sink
- clean up the dog pee
- wash the floor
- feed the animals

because enough is enough.

Quite A Lot

finished and thought you would be sleeping so I didn't call. I'm doing something wrong here. I worked all week, 63 hours, then got up at 7:15, and worked 16.5 hours cleaning up, Here's what I did:

cleaned the glass table in the dining room
ate dinner (at 10:30 PM)
Vacuumed downstairs plus basement and steps to second floor
Cat litter
Loaded the dryer
Reorganized the linen closet (everything was pulled out.)
Folded clothes and brought up the towels I folded to put in the linen closet
3 loads of laundry, including laundry left from last Monday
collected towels for a white load and pulled off a pillow case from a pillow in the LR
collected other clothes for a dark/cold load
threw out wasted food - a bag full
cleaned out the fridge including all of the glass shelves
reorganized the pantry, loaded in all of the food
Shopping
Plaster and sand
vacuumed
cleaned out the stove, half way because it's a disaster
cleaned out the burned-on batter in a muffin pan and a bundt pan
put away the dishes and pots
collected trash from what the little dog destroyed in the LR
cleaned up the dog poo and cat pee in the kitchen
replanted a Japanese maple in the spot formerly occupied by a oak stump. This involved taking off the lattice trim around the porch to dig the tree out since it was growing under the porch, digging the tree out, redistributing the dirt and making room to place again the lattice
moved collected branches to the curb
bagged 30 bags of leaves and twigs, moved 40 to the curb
edged and mowed the lawn in the front and back and wacked weeds
picked up and bagged all of the trash in the backyard including what D threw on the lawn from the veggie garden and that entailed picking out bamboo garden stakes from the piles.
took the trash to the dump
went to Home Depot, which was a chore since no one seemed to know where the paper bags were. Also bought spackle and washers for the upstairs bathroom
collected the trash including re-bagging an over-stuffed, bug-infested bag that was left open. The garbage can is always packed super-tight. Trash is never wrapped up. Put 5 bags in the trunk of the car.
Sanded.
Did not exercise as I thought I'd get plenty - I was right
Looked at CL
Got dressed for dirty work including my too-big pants and uncomfortable shoes.
Took a shower
Drank coffee
Let the dogs out
Cleaned up poo
Fed the animals and watered them.
Used the potty.
Woke up
FRIDAY
Got home at 11:30
Got into work at 9:15
Took Shel and Dawn to Newark Penn station, dropped them off at 8:20
Left the house at 7:20, after waiting 20 minutes for Dawn to be ready. She carried a full complement of luggage.
showered, shaved, Shell was already ready, thankfully
woke up at 6:15

THURSDAY night, came in at 12-ish after starting at 9:15

What I didn't get done is:
Taxes
Clean the car
Go to the Parsippany Pep Boys to complain about my brakes I just had done.
Maybe get an alignment.
Put more stuff on eBay
Relist the item that didn't sell
Fix my Mac
Sort out and clean up and photograph stuff to sell

Now I will eat Rum Raisin ice cream and go to sleep, because I'm just that type of girl.

House Maintained, Blog Is Not

My intent here was to provide an accounting of my daily housekeeping travails in terms plain and un-entertaining. Somehow, I'm so busy with actually doing the things I should be recording here that I have no time to record them here. That kinda sucks.

This week was stressful as the divorce progresses. The clock is ticking for me, too, as I have to get my ducks in a row on many levels. Here is the meta-pyramid of my existence:

Work - provides money to do everything else
Daughter - fight with spouse over parental rights; attempt to keep kid interested in my existence
House - maintain cleanliness and order; repair infrastructure; buy food and supplies; laundry
Animals - clean up after them and what they destroy; feed and water them; clean their toilet
Money - pay bills; schedule budget; project where to allocate future funds
Credit - repair in anticipation of a house purchase
Investment - continue research in anticipation of future investment: held up by divorce
Me - yes, I am at the bottom of the list and I'm not lamenting it here: exercise, schedule dentist and medico time; keep space organized; write; plan my life already

That leaves little time for actual living.

I imagine that, after the divorce, there will be a whole new set of time allocations. It all depends on what's agreed upon or decided upon and that all seems to be mostly in the air. I really have no idea of what will happen.

I've been admonished to "make time." Well, I'm sorry, but that's the most ridiculous notion in human existence. If every moment is filled with "priority" tasks, how can one make time? It's not possible. Right now, I have to hit the head and run out to see if I can get by brakes done since they're scraping in the front. I don't even have the time to do this writing.

This week, I did this:

- Cleaned the tile floors downstairs. In fairness, my ex cleaned up some dog pee, too.
- Cleaned up two piles of wet dog poo - the poo was wet, not the dog - and cleaned the carpet in those areas.
- Organized my kid's room, folded all her clothes and hung up many, changed her sheets and pillowcase, put all schoolbooks in one place, picked up all the trash on the floor, brought glasses and cups downstairs, put her jewelry in one place, took out the dirty laundry, vacuumed.
- Vacuumed all three floors.
- Changed the cat litter
- Folded five loads of laundry and washed three. Another 2 folds and 1 wash is for today, somehow.
- Plastered the crack in the upstairs bedroom door wall (my bedroom) with special crack tape and latex plaster. This is a two-step job and that was step one.
- Set out the paint and tools to finish painting the upstairs hall and my room.
- Dusted all surfaces.
- Cleaned the upstairs bathroom - by the way, the drain is running perfectly now that I used that two-part Liquid Plumber. My kid has a lot of hair, apparently.
- Excercised: reps of sit-ups and free weight (25 lbs x 2) for the arms and chest. 4 out of 6 days, so not so bad. Did knee bends, but my knees hurt for two days after that - that can't be good.
- Checked my DVR for surveillance every night.
- Repaired my 285HV, so know I have a good off-camera strobe - yay!
- Had my DSL and phone line installed after a long fight (2 years) over who controls the phone and internet service.
- Pushed up a payment on my premier card so that it's paid off now.
- Paid a car payment, the electric, other cards, the insurance.
- Checked my postal box every day - it's on the way to work.
- Had a discussion with ex regarding settling: fruitless

Not Much, Yet

Today is my birthday. Since my kid was in sick from school, though she was just tired as it turns out and though her mother doesn't want to take her to the doctor for some bizarre reason so that I have to find a way to carve out more time from my daughter's school attendance in order to get her to the doctor to see what's going on - take a breath - I slept all the way through until 9:30 or so. I didn't put the dishes in the dishwaasher or clean the kitchen, but I did pick up poo and Shel had already mopped up the cat pee. Yay. So, I'll have a lot of work to do when I get in, I know I can count on that. I also know that my birthday has been forgotten by my family as, instead of wishing me a happy birthday, my STBX verbally assaulted me without mercy . . . nice birthday present, crazy f*ck.

I do recollect each birthday as nearly forgotten and I wonder why I didn't get it all sooner. Oh, well, that's for another Blog.

I sized up what will be waiting for me when I get home and I spoke to my daughter in the interim so I know there's a bit more than what was started out with since she's making cookies, which is how I know she's not sick.

That means I will have cookie trays, bowls, about 3000 utensils, chocolate to scrape off the bottom of a sauce pan because we don't have a double-boiler and I know she probably improvised . . . and the cat/dog messes. All that before scrounging something to eat as I did not make dinner and even had I done so, it would be all eaten or what wasn't eaten would purposefully be thrown away so that I would have none. Crazy f*ck.

So, we'll see. Another not so happy day at Chaos Manor. This next pendulum swing to the dark side I've already decided is going to be my last.

Tidy-Up Wrap-Up

View of X's space, which I don't touch as she goes totally
paranoid. Something's hiding in there, eh?

I'm sorry to say that I haven't had much time to record my keep-it-up activities since I've been busy doing them.

First, I want to say that I get no help around the house whatsoever. There are three cats and one dog, a child and a ne'er-do-well spouse I'm in the process of battling in divorce. The divorce has nothing to do with the fact that she's a vengeful slob. It's a control issue. For years, I stopped cleaning when she asked me because it "bothered her" and she "would do it" which she never did.

I didn't want pets. I assented to caged pets but my STBX didn't bother to help my daughter maintain them or clean their cages. The first cat we adopted was lovely and black, with long hair (that sheds only a little) because I fought and fought not to adopt a 110 pound dog. I knew that I would have all the work involved, I just knew it. But one cat . . . and promises were made to encourage my kid to clean up after the animal, feed it and water it. As soon as the cat made her home here, that was it.

As for my daughter's housekeeping, she tries but she has adopted most of her mother's habits. A neatly folded closet will be turned inside out in minutes in a rushed morning as she doesn't plan ahead though she's been admonished to do so literally a thousand times. She does not pick up after the animals nor does she walk the dog. She does not feed them or provide water even with reminders again and again. She uses the same excuses as her mother.

Animals in the house make for a lot of work, especially when the animals are cats that spray their territory. Before this house is sold, the cats will have to be adopted out and a professional will have to be hired to do a cleaning. I do try very hard, but I'm outnumbered, simple as that.

I have shifted most of my cleaning into the week rather than leaving it for the weekend. This way, no one is in the way and I leave a clean house every day. This also means that I clean at least two hours each day.

Today:

• Changed the cat litter, a big task and very nasty
• Powdered the basement floor with Pet Fresh (a good product) and vacuumed
• Cleaned the pool table of all clothes and vacuum all the corners wih the Hoover (not the basement vacuum)
• Vacuumed the filters and the outside surfaces of the Bissel (the basement vacuum)
• Sucked up cobwebs and other hard-to-clean corners with the Hoover
• Before all of this, struggled with the Hoover because something was stuck in the hose. I snaked it out with a cable snake three times before freeing up the path. All this while fully clothed since I am afraid to leave my stuff around lest something get stolen by my X - she does that.
• Laundered the two living room rugs - animal nastiness - and then brushed off any threads, hair, etc. This was hard work for sure.
• Vacuumed the living room.
• Re-covered the couch with the knitted throws.
• Folded the quilt that my daughter used to sleep with down there.
• Put away the quilt and pillows.
• Cleaned up cat pee and poo from the new cat's favorite corner. I use bleach-based cleaner and a special mop.
• Picked up papers and misc trash from the LR floor (obviously, I'm going backwards in this list)
• Picked up various items chewed by the dog.
• Picked up mail that was thrown on the floor.
• Cleaned the kitchen surfaces.
• Made coffee. Ate a muffin that I made yesterday at 11 PM at night.
• Loaded the dish-washer and ran the load.
• Turned off the excess lights and the stove light. I left that on by mistake.
• Let the dog out.
• Fed the animals; watered them.
• Removed the tablecloth and laundered that.
• Ran a load of laundry with the tablecloth, some pants, some undies.
• Fixed kid's doorknob.
  
• Placed that load in the dryer.
• Folded towels that had been run a few days ago and brought some upstairs. I'm tired of not having towels since my kid never returns them and instead leaves wet towels on her bed.
• Took the kid to school. She tried to blame me for almost being late. She's funny.

I'm sure there was more. There's always more. I don't mind cleaning, but I do mind cleaning unneccesarily. I am feeling pretty much like a maid at this point and that's okay, too, but there's no appreciation or help of any kind, even so that messes aren't made when they can be avoided.

Living room before tidying.

X's space, cleaner than usual. Note the overflowing trash bag.

Sink scrubbed clean. I need to re-caulk it.

Newly cleaned kitchen. All surfaces are cleaned and detailed.

LR mess before tidy.

Linen closet after re-organization, a weekly event.

Major Clean Up

I've been cleaning very thoroughly for quite a few months but today I think I really broke through a large barrier.

Yesterday: Wired Shel's ethernet. Big job involving snaking two wires, adding a switch, a box, going to and from the attic, removing ceiling tiles, getting hit with plaster that had separated from the ceiling and cleaning up the gigantic mess exploring the drop ceiling made.

Today:

- five loads of laundry, six of drying.
- Folded towels and sheets, placed in linen closet
- Folded all clothes - about 300 pieces. Yes, I counted. Hung delicates. Sorted where possible.
- Brought my clothes upstairs and put it away.
- Cleaned every inch of the basement of webs including under the stairs.
- Laundered two bags of unknown clothes that had been in the basement for months ("don't touch those, I'll take care of it")
- Bagged trash and took it down into the garage
- Bagged recyclables, paper and plastic separate
- Walked dog
- Made lunch, dinner, cleaned up after Shel's cooking
- Unloaded and loaded DW, unloaded when dry, put all dishes away, reloaded with new dirty dishes.
- Cleaned two pans by hand with scouring powder that didn't come clean in the washer.
- Put away pots, organized pot cabinet
- Set up auto-coffee for the next day
- Vacuumed the LR and steps, shampooed a portion of the LR, washed the runner
- Picked up something like six or seven piles of dog poo
- Talked on phone
- Tried to get wife to reply as to return time - never did but responded with bizarre texts
- Talked to kid
- Drank a lot of coffee
- Took a two hour nap
- Checked my bank account - dunned for a charge though I made a deposit to cover it IN TIME!
- Changed the cat litter
- Scooped the box after the cat's use
- Washed the tiles in the kitchen and DR
- Vacuumed behind the dryer and washer, all the vents and grilles and utility access gates
- Powdered the floor and vacuumed that.
- Put my clothes away

Much Work

Painted all day. Downstairs bath, all the wooden doors, requiring knob removal. Adjusted the attic door height. Tightened the pantry hinges, Laundered the couch blankets and prepped to change the litter. Painted the south wall on the steps requiring taking off then reattaching the small handrails. Washed the baseboards near the front and on the landing. Vacuumed. Sanded the top banister and made ready for poly. Cleaned up tools and brushes, rollers.Washed 2 switchplates and reattached them. Picked up D at midnight and made coffee for the morning. Also picked up the kid earlier. And went to Jeffereson BOA to make a deposit of $20 to cover a potential $38 charge from Lukoil. Took a 90 minute nap before picking D up. Changed the toilet flapper. It still leaks. Fed the animals three times. Got the mail from the box and gave Dawn her one letter. Vacuumed the attic stairs. They look more slanted to me. Many dead bees. Talked to S but worked at the same time. Washed the shower downstairs and was the floor there and in the vestibule. Cleaned and rehung the stairs clock. Picked up after the dog.

Tuesday, September 4, 2007

Woke up at 5 AM to take spouse to the train. Fell back asleep as did the D, who lives in another part of the house.
Cleaned up dog pee and poop.
Heated up coffee.
Took pills (prescription and Ibu generic, I each.)
Let dog out.
Fed dog and cats.
Drove D to train as silently as possible. (Background: D was being friendly in order to assess whether something was wrong. I had come to the conclusion the night before that our relationship had been killed last November and that there was no effort to repair it, therefore, I will not be adding more energy to it neither will I provide a reason for abuse.)
Drove back from train and fielded two calls from D asking about whether car payment people had been called (since late last night). They hadn't and I said so. Second call - be sure to fill out the forms and give to the coach (which I did previously but they must have lost it.)
Tried to contact child via cell, no answer-not sure of practice schedule as I am not given the details from spouse after the child imparts same to D.
Arrived home, went in, worked on computer for about 45 minutes, answered e-mails.
Laid down for about 45 minutes due to late night and early rising.
Fielded call from D regarding bomb at work next door. There was no news report on this. She then became unavailable for three hours folliwng this news, not responding to two texts or two calls with messages.
Got up, heated up more coffee, returned upstairs. Also had a waffle with jam.
Worked on the computer until about 12 Noon.
Rested until 1:30, watching the Departed.
Contemplated a shower, but child had to be at soccer, I thought, at 2 PM. Worked on computer to access school website. Found and printed forms. Got child to be ready. Gave child a Thermos for water. Filled out forms.
Left the house arrived on time at soccer.
Went to ShopRite, spent $75 on food, $6 on wine. This took until about 4:30.
Returned to the house, boiled water.
Made ziti and sausages with onion and peppers.
Picked up child from soccer as planned per child's phone call at about 6:10.
Scrubbed melted plastic from the bottom inside of the large Farberware skillet with a drill, wire brush and stripping 3M pad.
Loaded dishwasher.
Spoke to D and texted no conflict.
Arrange to pick up WITH NO ARRIVAL TIME. Instead D told child to tell me, which allowed no room for discussion.
Ate a sausage.
Wrote this entry.
Washed my face.
Left for train to pick up D with child in tow.

Blog Start

This blog is a record of things I did around the house each day. I will try to be as thorough as possible.

So far, in the last four days, I've:
Pulled some weeds
Taken the gas can meaning to get gas for the lawn tools
Cleaned up dog poop morning and afternoon
Put away dishes and cleaned pots and pans
Cooked
Taken my kid to soccer practice
Talked to my mother and cousin (Friday night) and brother about a computer virus
Gone out to garage sales with my child
Gone over to my brother's house to see him and my mother and sister-in-law
Painted the trim in the dining room and kitchen white
Primed the garage eaves
Worked on fixing my computer
Talked to friends
Argued with a friend

That's all I can think of.